For my upcoming sixtieth birthday, Betsy and Janet sent me an entire box of presents, separately wrapped and labeled “November 1st AM”, “November 1st PM”, and so on, up through the morning of November 6 — which is the day after my birthday (unless they know something I don’t know).

The excitement is almost unbearable.

I have the impression that there’s more to this than meets the eye. The gifts themselves are striking, but is there a secret message hidden in the sequence? And what, I wonder, would I win if I solve the puzzle?

What is the hidden meaning behind the Pumba Pez dispenser and the Elmo Band-Aids? Does the gecko key ring foretell a trip to Hawaii? Does the “P” on the matchbox stand for “Pyromaniac”? Does Willy know something he’s not telling? (He was watching very closely as I arranged the gifts for photographing.)

Time will tell.